selfishness or just reality?

I am still doing relatively well with just occasional moments of not being able to deal. Tonight I am having a moment that I can feel that fear and panic welling up inside me for no obvious reason. I realized though as I was going through the why and what checklist in my brain that I am now and often take on anxiety regarding other people. Somehow I take on the anxiety that they should or might be feeling as my own and obviously have no control over how things play out for them. This often comes off as being controlling or hyper-vigilant and sometimes creates anxiety in them that they weren't feeling before. Tonight I am particularly anxious about my daughter's anxiety and it feels almost unmanageable. It takes me to the irrationality of being ill-equipped or a bad mother because I can't take her anxiety, emotions, fear, or pain away. This frustrates me and the "normal" worry that I assume all parents experience for their children sends me into a tailspin of panic. I come across as angry and blaming of others when maybe all it would take would be a hug or a silent prayer but that is difficult for me. Crazy that my anxiety revolves around not being able to take away pain but my coping mechanism for my own anxiety is to control or retreat neither of which is productive or reassuring to others. So instead of sitting her and allowing my anxiety to tell me that I am ill-equipped or a bad mother or worthless I am again just asking God to take up the slack where I am unable to comfort the hurting. Unable because other people's pain is such a stark reminder of the pain inside me that is untouchable by even the kindest of sentiments from others. Selfish? Maybe...reality? Definitely! Why didn't I come with the ability to touch the lives of others in their pain instead of taking on the pain as my own rendering me helpless? Did I come equipped with that ability but lose it along the way? Do I cause pain because you can only give what you yourself possess? Selfish or reality?