3 steps forward and 2 steps back

So I felt free for a couple days and then the doubts came rushing in and one by one I would (as taught) take those thoughts captive and release them; telling myself that they are lies and the result of a lifetime of insecurity. I have been working very hard to just work on changing me and not reacting to life in the ways that I have been programmed to react. This week I have been faced with numerous difficult events that before could have been the straw that broke the camel's back or the pebble that tipped the scales once and for all. Each time, falling 2 steps back but still each day moving 3 steps forward. My husband reminds me that 3 steps forward and 2 steps back is still moving forward; however, more than anything I just feel frustrated with the process. I have not yet been completely overtaken by the anxiety that has controlled me for so long but I am growing weak and weary in this fight to find my way out of a lifestyle controlled by the battle that is constantly waging in my own heart and mind. It might be easier to give up and revert back to the old way of "dealing" except that I have realized that there is a much bigger battle to fight that doesn't just revolve around me. I could live the rest of my life living in anxiety and bondage but that is not the life I want my children and family to live. My eyes have been opened to the very real consequences of living my life this way in front of my children as they have begun to suffer with anxiety and a defeatist mentality. That is NOT okay with me. I want them to see that we are free to live a life full of joy. Today another blow after a couple days of a dig here and a dig there and it felt for a moment like I was done fighting but somewhere inside me I found another ounce of strength I didn't know was left. So for this moment I am able to fight a little while longer...fight for my freedom, fight for my marriage, fight for my children, fight for my family, and fight for my sanity. Tomorrow may be different but I have realized that like an alcoholic, avoidance, anxiety, anger, and falling apart are my drugs and every day that I face life with strength is one day closer to a lifetime of sobriety (in the psychological sense since I am not an alcoholic). I might make 3 steps forward and 2 steps back but I am still moving forward down a path to mental health and familial strength and I want to take my family with me but eventually they too will have to choose the path for themselves. I can only be an example and give them all the tools I have access to to add to their arsenal.