Ummmm....not sure where to go with this blog since I have pretty much given you a run-down and all the information I know about anxiety and explained the how, why, and what about my specific anxiety disorder. I can tell you that today has been pretty rough. I woke up feeling positive and proactive in making some tough decisions and actually got through it pretty well so that was a huge success. Instead of celebrating that success, I have been in a literal marathon panic attack for the rest of the day. I am not sure if it is because I handled what I had to handle and then it hit me or if it is the culmination of things that have surfaced today...maybe a little of both. One of the things I do is second-guess my decisions A LOT! So even though I made a decision together with my daughter that I really believe will be the best for her and our family, I have spent the rest of the day second-guessing myself and the decision and rehearsing all of the catastrophic things that could result from my decision (by the way catastrophic thoughts are textbook anxiety...so I'm a nut we have already established that lol). Additionally this evening marks the end of Shawn's 3 days off so I am already stressing about the next 5 days of him working 24/7. I am anticipating a lot of sleepless nights for him, his increased pain that always results from sleepless nights, and the tension that usually builds during this time. 2 of the kids went to KC with my mom today so of course that sends me into the worry tailspin. Ummmm we are a week away from school starting and I am just not prepared literally or emotionally. Some small town/small school drama is taking its usual toll on me except is intensified because I am already having a lot of anxiety today.
And it pretty much feels like a fire has been set to all of my rational thoughts and a tornado is ripping through me. So that is what anxiety feels like today...
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