A couple techniques used to help people tackle anxiety disorders are cognitive-behavior therapy (CBT) and exposure therapy. CBT requires that a person focus on their thoughts and the resulting behavior. This type of treatment aids a person in identifying and challenging the irrational fears that are at the root of the anxiety. Exposure therapy forces a person to face their fears in a safe and controlled environment with a therapist walking you through the process. After repeated exposure to the anxiety-provoking stimuli (whether that is a real or imaginary object or situation) you become habituated to it. In real people words that just means you get used to it to the point that you no longer fear it. Once a person is exposed to this fear over and over without harm, the anxiety gradually decreases because as I have mentioned before rational thought and anxiety are not friends. Of course medication can also be used to normalize or bring balance back to the screwy brain chemistry (those are real people words and not in any way appropriate for a psych major lol).
The thing I am struggling to pinpoint is my exact triggers and how I can tackle them.
One of my major obstacles is control and that there are things outside of my control (yes I really believe I should be able to control everything and everyone around me, and as you know that is absolutely in every way impossible!!!). Specifically, planning and scheduling are a huge source of anxiety for me. The hard part about facing this is that I can't give it up all together, obviously with a large family and being a mom I have to plan and schedule things. I honestly suffer huge panic attacks surrounding planning to the point that it really frustrates the people in my life. If one small glitch in "the plan" happens, I just can't deal and it literally sends me into a tailspin. In my mind though I cannot understand how CBT or exposure therapy could help...I can apply it to case study after case study but I cannot apply it to myself. I assume this would involve allowing someone else, like my very capable husband, to plan and schedule our lives and just roll with it. He has virtually quit trying to plan things, even fun things that I really want him to plan like a surprise trip or a night out without any input from me. Sometimes I get mad at him and ask him why he never takes me out or plans a little weekend away etc. and his response is always the same: "I can't plan anything because you would get mad because I didn't do it right". Wow that is painful to hear and as much as I will argue this with him, it is true. I struggle when we leave for a weekend because it takes such precise planning and control on my part to make sure everything happens exactly the way that I would do it. This frustrates those who care for the kids when we are gone because it involves lists and instructions and numerous phone calls etc. If I sit here long enough and think about it with my rational brain, I know that if the kids are late for school, or they miss a basketball practice, or they go to bed at 900 instead of 830; the end of the world will not come. But in the moment it seems huge! That moment in time somehow means I have not done my job as a mom and people will think I am a bad mom. I equate everything to my capability and worth so if something gets messed up...it is a direct reflection of me. Stupid...so freaking stupid and frustrating! I honestly wish I could seek out CBT or exposure therapy. I want to be free from this disorder. I want my children to be free from this disorder because they are also imprisoned by my anxiety. I want my husband to be free to plan something without any input from me. I attempt to justify my control because we have a large family and everything I do revolves around making sure that everything is planned and perfectly carried out. But there are capable people in my life that can do it and I really am exhausted by trying to control the world. I just want to be free!
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